Near the end of 2013 I was living with a longtime friend of mine in the city, fairly happy with my life. She was an amazing roommate. We never fought, we had fun, and could count on each other. She found a serious boyfriend though and moved out. It happens. I could have found a new roommate I guess, but I didn’t feel like living with a stranger, and then when I lost my job, I just didn’t feel like trying to make a life in the city anymore.
I had been there quite a few years. I just wasn’t making progress. A lot of the people I put time and effort into sort of drifted away one by one.
Things are never as permanent as they seem.
You invest in people and then it’s over, and it’s hard to see the point of starting over. Who wants to build a life on impermanent things? So you go back to home base to regroup. At least that’s what I did.
I’m regrouping right now in the country, but this regroup, this pause on my real life is the only real life I have. I need to remember that. It’s a little too easy to put off living, but I’m not sure what else I can do right now, so I focus on writing and hope it will take me somewhere someday.